The Second Coming of Green Gibbo


And lo the good people of Easton did travel on mass to Winford for it was the Sabbath (depending upon thy god), where they did wait for Green Gibbo to lead them to conquer their foe and lead them victorious from the rain soaked wilderness to The Promised Plough.

And Grove, the heretic, did mutter “Green Gibbo has forsaken us, for why does he not present himself and perform mighty and wondrous deeds to prove unto us his awesomeness”. Then Grove did go too far for he proclaimed to the faithful “Why, it would be of little wonderment if Green Gibbo does not exists, why do we not follow the false idols, covert our neighbours ass and spill our seed on the stony ground?”.

All fell silent in terror as upon the ground and in the fundament there was a mighty rumbling, and the assembled multitude did look at Garnier with much disparagement and said as one “For fucks sake Garnier”. But once more there was a mighty rumbling and when challenged did Garnier denied it thrice for he had discharged his gut to its satisfaction.

And lo from the heavens did the Great Green Mothership descend and from the Mothership did Green Gibbo himself come among us with much pomp and majesty. And he did look at Grove, The Heretic, and said “For thy doubt and bad batting shall thy wriggle on thy belly like the lowliest of beast and graze upon the grass”. So did Grove wriggle upon his belly with much rumination of the grasses, and the seeds, and the berries and indeed all the foliage that grows upon the earth in those part such that Green Gibbo saw fit to grow there in his magnanimous and beneficenous omnipotence.

“Shine a light”, said Iggy much overcome by the vengeful fervour of his god. So did Green Gibbo emit such light that it transcended great distances to illuminate Uranus.

And so did come the time for The Great Toss. With much whaling and gnashing of teeth did Green Gibbo lose the toss to the foe, for not even he can command the elements of chance. And most frightful was the stench of rotting blubber as the Eastonites were put into bat.

Green Gibbo took Grove, The Heretic, aside and did say unto him, “For thy heresy shall thou be runnest out for a duck”. And lo it did come to pass that Green Gibbo and Grove strode to the crease in the manliest of fashions for Grove to be swiftly dispatched while straying from his homeland by two cubits. Grove, The Heretic, had fallen some 100 runs short of his century.

Preece then did stride most manfully to the crease and smote the foe with much might and furious anger. In the multitude of runs did Preece hit 150 noteth out and did Green Gibbo plunder the foe for three score and 10 runs before being dismissed leg-before by Grove, The Heretic. “Thy shall not judge the lord thy god” fumed Green Gibbo. “Thou shall not question the umpire chum, now sling thy hook” said Grove for verily it is written in the good book that not even god himself can bring his miffed countenance to bare upon the umpire’s decision.

Big Tall Toole then performed mighty batting deeds and hit a swift 50 before the two score overs had passed. And low the Eastonites had scored 280 runs for the loss of but two wickets.

At tea did Green Gibbo take the bread, beak it and give it to his disciples saying “take this and eat it, for this is my body” and lo they did take it and eat it and it was good for it was a baguette (if thou knowest wot I mean Ladies!) Seized by the spirit of the moment  did Garnier thrust forth a goblet that overflowed with liquid of a yellow hue, “You can drink that and all if you like, I just pissed in it”.

Time did come to pass for the Eastonites to take to the field and for the foe to take up the willow. Upon such time did RT1 produce bowling of such miraculous qualities that many did speculate that he had been servicing favours and odd jobs for Beelzebub at reasonable rates. RT1 did dispatch all 10 foe for the meagrest of but one run each with Gretch taking 10 catches behind the wicket. Upon the other end did TT bowl 8 straight maidens.

So did Green Gibbo lead his people the Eastonites to The Promised Plough where Green Gibbo did turn great quantities of water to fine ale upon which Garnier proclaimed “For now am I the greatest of believers” and Grove, The Heretic, muttered much that the good lord had not giveth of the sherry. Finally, his work upon the earth completed, did Green Gibbo ascended unto heaven in the Mothership.

OK, so you have guessed by now that the cricket was rained off again.

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