Kitchens Etc.


The Cowboys Friendly XI beat (in a friendly fashion Long Ashton) Ev reports thus:

Having watched Wales beat Slovenia in the back garden of the plough, a crack squad of merry men departed for Winford to play Long Ashton CC.

In the shrivelled, nuggetlike remains of skipper Evs brain, the thought of revenge was uppermost, cowboys having been beaten comfortably by LA a few weeks back. Full details of the match are inexplicably hazy, though some vague memories did form:

It was hot. We won the toss, elected to bat and scored somewhere in the region of 130 for approximately 8 wickets. Ev somehow managed to get 30 odd, and Iggy and Andy Chester scored some runs.

LA were stifled in their reply by great opening spells from Trev (this week out of a GK Chesterton novel) and Steve O. This set up the victory. All other cowboy bowlers did well, and there were a couple of runouts. The last LA batsman was dismissed in the final over with the score still in the nineties, vengeance was ours.

Man of the Match – Roger. singlehandedly won the game by bowling the bloke who used to play for Surrey.

Cider Moment – Roger. bowling the bloke who used to play for surrey.

NB – although the above is based on a true story, some names and events have been made up.


The Saturday Cricket Team beat Keynsham 3rd XI by 28 runs and are now top of the league.

According to the kinzy report, Every average man you know, Much prefers his lovey dovey to court, When the temperature is low, But when the thermometer goes way up, And the weather is sizzling hot, Mr. Pants for romance is not, Because it’s too darn hot, It’s too darn hot.

And it was hot. Uberpops lost the toss and Keysham took the decisions to make us bat. Picture the scene as Ubes and Grove manfully strode to the crease on a classic English summer’s day to pursue the classic English pursuit (no… cricket you fool, nothing to do with grubby little public school boys and a packet of Bath Olivers); at least Ubes manfully strode, Grove minced rather, as is his wont. Now, in the first fixture of the season we played Keynsham on a very cold and rainy day and lost, Grove managed to run his beloved captain out and we were generally shit. Surely lightening could not strike twice, especially with such a beautiful blue sky broken only by the odd fluffy cloud. Bugger, of course it could. Grove managed to run his beloved captain out again: Ubes strode manfully back from the crease, Grove minced back shortly afterwards having scored but 5 lowly runs. Even the most innocent looking cloud can have something unpleasant sewn into its lining.

Luckily our batting line up is more robust than it used to be and Ben P and Angelo strode manfully to the crease; actually Angelo sauntered rather as is his wont. Both patiently rebuilt the innings, Angelo making 24 and Ben making 54. Then it was time to bring out Dutch, liberally apply baby oil to his torso, set his controls to Turbo Biff and let him stride like a mighty colossus, the most manly of men, to the crease; actually… well, this is more or less what he did. In little more than about 10 overs he smashed his way to 78 and with a joyous little cameo from Ev brought the Score to 204 all out on the last ball. Sadly the innings was marred by Rob’s umpiring, his needless and somewhat reckless vanity caused him to insist on umpiring from the end which afforded the best all-round tanning opportunities.

At tea Grove ate a large slice of humble pie (with relish), while Dutch and Ben dined on ambrosia (with a pickled egg), no sign of any Bath Olivers or other cracker related products though. But with Keynsham known as a batting rather than bowling side, Joe at Glastonbury and Garner in the maternity ward it was not time to sacrifice the fatted calf just yet.

For the second week running Dutch opened the bowling, charging in with a ferocious spell of manly intimidation. Ev rather minced in to open the bowling from the other end. Two early wickets fell to the Gloggmiester and a third to Kalu coming on at first change but then we got stuck with only 3 down and with the foe sticking close to the required rate, edges flying everywhere … the game was on. Kalu was treated with great respect by both batsmen, perhaps they had seen last week’s bowling figures and he got just the 1 wicket for a miserly 23 runs. Rob at the other end took a bit of a pasting leaving Roger and the Flemish Master to bowl at the death. Wickets began to fall and the required run rate crept up to 7 an over from 6 overs. Rubenesque Roger broke a crucial partnership with a full toss and with the rate up to 11 an over with 3 overs left the Tulipfondler took out the foe’s best batsman but not before he had edged and sliced his way to 85. They were all out for 176 in the 39th over.

Dutch finished on 4 for 30 and Roger on 3 for 36. Angelo took two blinding catches close in and Grove redeemed himself slightly taking another two, Alan took a fifth.

Dutch’s special lady took him from us to go camping (in a manly fashion of course) just as it was about to get a bit Greco-Roman in the bar. Ugly scenes followed as the team gorged themselves in an orgy of fining, nominating and seconding their absent comrade at will for even the smallest of misdemeanours. Further unpleasantness saw the fatted calf, who had been nervously praying for a Keynsham win, sacrificed. Thankfully though the Bath Olivers stayed in their tin because none of us went to public school, or indeed, know what Bath Olivers are.

Great to see some away supporters enjoying the victory in the pleasant evening sun.

MOM – Gary

Cider Moment – Angelo’s second catch.

See the fullscore card here.


The Sunday Cricket Team lost to Midsomer Norton Sunday 2nd Team by 5 wickets. DC 2 reports thus:

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two bold and hearty teams of cricket
Stand in the field. Away across the sand
In Africa, footballers ready for another play
Involving offside traps and refs and linesman
Who cannot see so well, and yet hold sway
Upon the dreams and hopes and fears of some
Tiddley om pum pum pum diddle de um
(sorry I am nowhere near good enough to parody Shelley – perhaps its* the lack of opium)

Easton Cowboys arrived on time for the 1230ish start and play commenced at 1250 BST at Midsomer Norton’s surprising lovely ground with it’s* enchantingly ramshackle dressing room. I suppose for security reasons the bar(with skittle alley) had to have all it’s’* internal doors still hanging and not leaning against the corresponding door frame. We won the toss and elected to bat, opening with an exiting partnership in quick time from Iggy and Wayne. After their departure, more sedate batting followed, pinned together by an aggressive 53 from Tim Taylor, calm batting by Dave Flinton, and culminating in them missing the 1st 15 mins of a soccer match between England & Germany in The World Cup(soccer), thanks largely to Brian holding the tail together(again) and Dave Hewish blasting his average from (- infinity*) to 6. Thus we endeed the innings at 1515ish on 170ish for 9 – i.e. who knows how long we could have carried on if not playing a limited overs game ?!?

There then followed what I thought would be an interminable delay for tea and a football game, but which all happened so fast that I was able only to grab the the appropriate number of sausages on a stick(taking my lead from half of the home side who barged past us in the queue – the correct number was 6) and other food items, watch about 10 mins of the game which England lost 4 – 1 BOO! and unfortunately was personally responsible for delaying the restart because I was still doing things in the changing room.

When the Cricket Match resumed, after some early wickets the batsmen got hold of our bowling, and with Wayne being off the field injured although stunningly replaced in the field by Dean(sub) – that’s Dean Carter and not his sister Lara and neither was the Sunday 1st XI playing simultaneously for once and definitely not Ben Carter who also bowled OK, batted and fielded, and despite Brian’s wily bowling which prevented the only one of their players with a chance of getting a 50 to not get one(K Tabb bowled B. Salt 43) Ha Ha Ha!, we lost by 5 wkts.

* If anybody can tell me the correct place to stick these apostrophes, please do so.

Sorry everybody, the last bit about the apostrophes and * also in one instance refers to another difficulty I have – namely where is the “infinity” key on a standard computer keyboard? Can anyone help me?

See the full scorecard here.

One Comment

  1. P.S. It wasn’t so much a cyder moment, more of an era of geologic proportions, i.e. it was all the slip “fielding”. Still, if I’m to take a positive view(something I like to encourage the team to do under all circumstances), I certainly found myself becoming more “lippy” on the pitch, and quite enjoyed it except when I mucked up the fielding bit! Perhaps we can learn something from Australian people after all.

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