Bridges Brings Home The Bacon

The Easton Cowboys Sunday Team won the GFA Premier (South) Cup tonight beating CK 2-0. This is just about the biggest thing that the Cowboys can win without going semi-pro.

Congratulations to the Easton Cowboy’s very own Special One Eddy Bridges who watched scruffily from the touch line as his boys put in a confident performance on a difficult pitch. The losing manager can at least take comfort from the fact that he was better turned out than his opposite number.

The Webgimp does not really know much about football but this match report will have to do until somebody else sends something better in.

The first thing to be said is that there was a great and loud turnout of supporters and while the foe had a fair few supporters of their own they were mute throughout and did not have any songs about Eddy Bridges’ bacon sandwich. This, it has to be said, was a tactical blunder on their part. But so great was the combined crowd that Cecil B Demille could have easily made an epic about an amateur cup final. The second thing to be said is that this is the only time anyone has ever had to pay to see a Cowboys’ game and at kick off many were wondering if Eddy’s team could put in a performance worthy of the £2-50 admission fee.

They had to wait half way through the first half until the Cowboy’s delivered £1-25 worth of goal. A looping cross come shot (I believe that is the correct terminology, but may be that is just something a porn star does after a bad day at the office) scraped in at the far post, although your correspondent is not sure if there was another Cowboy touch on the way in. A short time later and Andrew High-Definition  set himself up to shoot, held off the defender manfully but, as many in the crowed started to rewrite the medical text books, it went wide.

And so the first half continued. The ball went hither and thither and a little welsh man battled hard for every ball in front of an adoring band of 3 of his fellow countrymen. Others in the crowd sang songs in praise Eddy’s culinary prowess while all the Cowboys  in unison silenced the already quiet supporters of the foe by reciting the alphabet with something approaching 100% accuracy.

With a short half time break and the bar some distance from the pitch, half the Cowboys supporters missed the second £1-25 worth of goal as it happened not long after the restart. Andrew HD, running about more than a man in his condition should, slotted a perfect pass through just in front of the foe’s keeper and somebody knocked it in. The pass was so stunningly good that nobody noticed who actually slotted the ball home.

The desperate CK pushed further up the pitch in search of a goal, the crowed taunted them with cutting jibes about aftershave and pants. But it was the Cowboys who again came close with a cool bit of skill to get to the byeline and another perfect pass across the face of goal, however the short range shot was well blocked on the line as the homunculus form of the foe’s keeper fell over and met the ball on the way down.

As the minutes ticked by the Cowboys dropped deeper and deeper. Eddy appeared 4 times with the bucket, while the foe’s bucket barely made it out of the B&Q carrier bag, another sign of tactical naïvety. CK needing to score put a screamer over the bar and drew a good save from our brave boy in green at the top right (or left depending which way you were facing and whether you know left from right). The fourth official waved his bit of card that said 3 extra minutes and with the last kick of the game CK drew a stunning hand job off the line from our keeper. It has to be said that our keeper put on a fine display of safe hands for the full 90; catching well and also demonstrating that he is quite adept at fisting when it is called for (again I believe this to be the correct footballing terminology).

And there you have it. The Cowboys win yet more silverware and Amy will have to get the elbow grease flowing to working sufficient Brasso into Eddy’s trophy over the coming year. At the end of the day I would have to say that the Cowboys put in a performance that may well have been worth as much as £3.72 on the gate.

Bloody marvellous, this win is well worth the risk of Eddy’s ego getting so large and powerful it will qualify for a seat on the Security Council of the United Nations.